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| Posted: Sun May 30th, 2010 10:36 am |
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101st Post |
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4thekids Member 
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So a blond was speeding down the highway. All of a sudden she gets pulled over (obviously because she was speeding.) The cop who pulled her over was also a blond (uh-oh)... The cop says "Ma'am i need to see your drivers license ID." The driver was confused, being blond and all. So, the cop decides to remind her what an ID is. "Ma'am its a rectangular thing with your picture on it" The blond still has no idea, but looks for it anyways. So funny them blonds. She pulls out a rectangular mirror and hands it to the cop. The blonde cop says to the blond driver, "Oh, sorry ma'am if I had known YOU were a cop too, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
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| Posted: Sat May 29th, 2010 10:09 am |
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102nd Post |
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4thekids Member
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A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."
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| Posted: Fri May 28th, 2010 10:39 am |
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103rd Post |
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4thekids Member
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Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." "Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."
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| Posted: Thu May 27th, 2010 10:53 am |
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104th Post |
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4thekids Member
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At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, Johnny what is the matter? Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
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| Posted: Wed May 26th, 2010 11:45 am |
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105th Post |
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4thekids Member
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A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture. The burglar froze in place and didn't move. The woman called 911; the police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still frozen where he stood. "What did you say to him that kept him from moving?" they asked the woman. She told them that she had simply said Acts 2:38 and quoted scripture. The police chuckled and escorted the burglar out to the patrol car. "Why did the woman's quoting scripture scare you so much?" they asked. "Scripture?" said the burglar, "I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's!
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| Posted: Tue May 25th, 2010 10:12 am |
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106th Post |
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4thekids Member
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There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00 The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?" Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
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| Posted: Mon May 24th, 2010 09:10 am |
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107th Post |
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4thekids Member
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A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because, I'm not an atheist." Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a Christian." The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian. "Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?" Lucy paused, smiled and said, "Then, I'd be an atheist!"
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| Posted: Sun May 23rd, 2010 11:48 am |
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108th Post |
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4thekids Member
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How do you keep a blonde busy? Put her in a circular room and tell her to find the corner.
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| Posted: Sat May 22nd, 2010 11:59 am |
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109th Post |
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4thekids Member
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What's a baby's motto? If at first you don't succeed - cry, cry again!
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| Posted: Sat May 22nd, 2010 07:47 am |
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110th Post |
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4thekids Member
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How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he gets money, a car, and three college credit hours for it!
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| Posted: Thu May 20th, 2010 11:16 am |
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111th Post |
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4thekids Member
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What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
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| Posted: Wed May 19th, 2010 11:42 am |
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112th Post |
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4thekids Member
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There were three men on a hill with their watches. The first man threw his watch down the hill and it broke. The second man threw his watch down the hill and it broke. The third man threw his watch down the hill, walked all the way to the bottom, and caught it. The other two men were puzzled and asked the third man how he did it. The third man said, "Easy. My watch is 5 minutes slow!"
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| Posted: Tue May 18th, 2010 11:40 am |
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113th Post |
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4thekids Member
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A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week. "Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for the lesson, I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark." The following week at the beginning of the class, the teacher said, "Now all who have prepared for today’s lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please come to the front." Half the class stood up and came forward. "The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk speak to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark!"
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| Posted: Mon May 17th, 2010 09:13 am |
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114th Post |
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4thekids Member
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A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." You're right," She said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
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| Posted: Sun May 16th, 2010 11:20 am |
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115th Post |
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4thekids Member
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You have a face like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled!
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| Posted: Sat May 15th, 2010 10:46 am |
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116th Post |
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4thekids Member
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I'd stop eating chocolate, but Im NO quiter!
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| Posted: Fri May 14th, 2010 10:33 am |
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117th Post |
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4thekids Member
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A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?” They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The youngest brother gasped for breath and replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time dude. God is missing and they think WE did it!"
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| Posted: Thu May 13th, 2010 10:52 am |
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118th Post |
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4thekids Member
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The invisible couple had a kid and he isn’t much to look at either!
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| Posted: Wed May 12th, 2010 11:13 am |
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119th Post |
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4thekids Member
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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small. The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
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| Posted: Tue May 11th, 2010 09:59 am |
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120th Post |
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4thekids Member
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What did they give the cannibal when he was late for diner? They gave him the cold shoulder..
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| Posted: Mon May 10th, 2010 09:16 am |
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121st Post |
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4thekids Member
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Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Roll Pop and asked her, "So, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll - Tootsie Pop?" Without a thought, the blonde replied, "Beats me, but it took almost the whole day just to lick through the wrapper."
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| Posted: Sun May 9th, 2010 11:42 am |
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122nd Post |
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4thekids Member
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There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.
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| Posted: Sat May 8th, 2010 11:56 am |
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123rd Post |
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4thekids Member
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Why did the runner quit the race against Bigfoot? He couldn't face defeet!!
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| Posted: Fri May 7th, 2010 10:49 am |
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124th Post |
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4thekids Member
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3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say? The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!
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| Posted: Thu May 6th, 2010 10:49 am |
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125th Post |
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4thekids Member
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A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors , and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
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| Posted: Tue May 4th, 2010 11:50 am |
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126th Post |
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4thekids Member
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There was a blonde that lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue. She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed. In a panic she called 911. They answered and said "This is Joe, is there an emergency?" The blonde replied "Yes my shed is on fire!!!" Joe said, "Don't panic help in on the way...where do you live?" The blonde said, "IN A HOUSE, NOW HURRY!!" Joe calmly responded back, "How are we supposed to get there?" The blonde answered back, "DUH!!! A BIG RED TRUCK!"
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| Posted: Mon May 3rd, 2010 09:00 am |
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127th Post |
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4thekids Member
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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"
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| Posted: Sun May 2nd, 2010 11:16 am |
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128th Post |
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4thekids Member
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I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms.] Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. (For y'all Yankees and City Folk, a "cottonmouth" is a water moccasin -- one of the 4 poisonous snakes in North America, and generally the meanest, being more aggressive than rattlesnakes.) Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was how to release the cottonmouth without getting snake bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. That ol' snake's eyes rolled back, and he went limp. I released him into the lake without no problem t'all and carried on fishing using the frog as bait. A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake just a'grinnin up at me -- with two frogs in his mouth. Life is good in the South.
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| Posted: Sat May 1st, 2010 10:25 am |
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129th Post |
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4thekids Member
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There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house. The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us." The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left. A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them. The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again. An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them. Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will save him." So the boat left him again. Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "You dummy! I tried. I sent three boats after you!!"
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| Posted: Thu Apr 29th, 2010 09:02 am |
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130th Post |
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4thekids Member
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How do you get a kleenex to dance? … Put a little boogey in it.
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| Posted: Tue Apr 27th, 2010 10:47 am |
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131st Post |
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4thekids Member
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
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| Posted: Mon Apr 26th, 2010 09:30 am |
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132nd Post |
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4thekids Member
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A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."
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| Posted: Sun Apr 25th, 2010 10:58 am |
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133rd Post |
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4thekids Member
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This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
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| Posted: Sat Apr 24th, 2010 10:44 am |
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134th Post |
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4thekids Member
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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.' The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.' The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, 'It's just 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.' The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?' The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull.'
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| Posted: Fri Apr 23rd, 2010 10:55 am |
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135th Post |
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4thekids Member
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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.
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| Posted: Thu Apr 22nd, 2010 10:34 am |
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136th Post |
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4thekids Member
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At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final. The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?
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| Posted: Wed Apr 21st, 2010 10:55 am |
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137th Post |
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4thekids Member
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Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy." "That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my esercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here." Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story. "Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."
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| Posted: Tue Apr 20th, 2010 10:38 am |
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138th Post |
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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 19th, 2010 10:44 am |
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139th Post |
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4thekids Member
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Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move. "Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie." "Whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life." "Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked. "Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
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| Posted: Sun Apr 18th, 2010 10:47 am |
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140th Post |
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4thekids Member
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There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat. As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!" In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?" Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?" The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again. As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back. Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
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| Posted: Sat Apr 17th, 2010 10:05 am |
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141st Post |
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4thekids Member
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A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
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| Posted: Fri Apr 16th, 2010 11:43 am |
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142nd Post |
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4thekids Member
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A preacher was completing a temperance sermon; with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."
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| Posted: Wed Apr 14th, 2010 09:42 am |
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143rd Post |
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4thekids Member
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What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food ? Snakes and Larders
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| Posted: Tue Apr 13th, 2010 09:54 am |
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144th Post |
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4thekids Member
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Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said "Go forth and multiply" ? They couldn't, they were adders !
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| Posted: Mon Apr 12th, 2010 09:41 am |
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145th Post |
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4thekids Member
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What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python? A twenty-foot-long strip-light that can squeeze you to death.
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| Posted: Sun Apr 11th, 2010 10:04 am |
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146th Post |
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4thekids Member
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There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'. Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?" The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
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| Posted: Sat Apr 10th, 2010 11:08 am |
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147th Post |
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4thekids Member
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Why did the two boa constrictors get married ? Because they had a crush on each other
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| Posted: Fri Apr 9th, 2010 10:57 am |
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148th Post |
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4thekids Member
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Did you hear about the stupid snake? He lost his skin.
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| Posted: Thu Apr 8th, 2010 09:57 am |
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149th Post |
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4thekids Member
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Give me a sense of humour, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humour out of life, And pass it on to other folks
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| Posted: Wed Apr 7th, 2010 09:57 am |
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150th Post |
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4thekids Member
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Marriage Humour: Husbands are husbands A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied: 'Your Horse phoned!!! '
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